Hello Tumblr,

Here’s a crazy story.

I did not buy B.A.P concert tickets because they were sold out. I gave up on the idea that I would have the chance to see BAP in NYC.

For those of you who follow my blog, you know that BAP means a lot to me. So you can imagine I was pretty upset when I didn’t get the Live on Earth tickets. Even though I was bummed about not getting to see them in the city where I live, work, and play, I decided to get over it and move on with my life. Things happen for a reason, I told myself.

Then the week of BAP’s NYC concert, I found out from a connection that I could attend BAP’s MTVK showcase. Honestly, I didn’t even know BAP was having a showcase at MTVK (BABY fail; no but seriously, I’ve been out of the fandom loop because life has been busy). 

I was lucky enough to get VIP access to BAP’s MTVK perf, so I got to watch BAP’s rehearsal right before their live performance.

When I walked in the studio BAP was in the middle of their sound check. They were standing on stage looking super serious and focused. 

Internal monologue when I saw them up so close: (I wasn’t so much spazzing about their hotness as I was proud mama bear-ing). Aww. There are my babies. Looking so serious and focused. Such professionals. Why are they so skinny? Someone feed them.

During rehearsals, there weren’t many people in the studio. Just some VIP guests and the staff. Fans were not let in yet so the studio was pretty empty, and I could see BAP very well. Conversely, BAP could see me. But they were too focused to look around at people. Since I couldn’t wave at them or call out their names (trust me, it was not appropriate to do so, and besides, I didn’t want to break their concentration), my goal was to stare at them lovingly with the biggest smile I could muster so whenever they did look in my direction, they would notice me and be like, “Why is that girl smiling at me?” 

They ran through their performances for One Shot, Rain Sound, No Mercy, and Warrior.

In between performances, they stood around onstage waiting for directions and notes. These breaks were when I tried to make intense eye contact with them.

I successfully made intense eye contact with Himchan, Youngjae, and Jong Up. And it wasn’t just a passing glance. It was several times of like five seconds or more of sustained eye contact (which is a long time; try counting to five). And when we made eye contact, I smiled even harder and nodded my head approvingly, as if to say, “Good job baby. Good job.”

Bang was way too focused to notice anyone, and Baby Jello was so shy and seemed especially nervous. I think he did notice me, but he did this thing where he looked in my direction, but was pretending to look at something way past me.

Baby Jello’s voice was a bit shaky during the run throughs (he killed it during the live performance though). During one of the breaks, Baby Jello knelt down on stage and asked for water, but for some reason no one brought him any water. I wanted to be like, PEOPLE BRING THE POOR KID WATER.

I made eye contact with Daehyun but it wasn’t that intense because he seemed pretty focused too. Daehyun would break out randomly in high pitch notes to warm up his voice. 

Himchan and Youngjae seemed especially tired poor things. Like when I made eye contact with Youngjae his face was just BLANK and his eyes were dead. Poor thing. I smiled at him so that he might feel my loving energy and gain strength. But NOPE. He just stared back, blank eyes and all. Poor thing needs some sleep.

Jong Up meanwhile seemed uncharacteristically perky. He would waddle to members and say things to them; I think he was asking them questions. Also he would practice his parts to himself in between performances, mouthing them and doing gestures. It was SO ADORABLE.

I saw BAP live in Korea during the No Mercy era, and Jong Up wasn’t as…active in between the recordings. He was pretty no nonsense in Korea. He just stood onstage until the camera started rolling. I think he was excited to be in NYC. Or nervous. Or both.

Other observations: the staff is JADED. After each performance, they wouldn’t clap. They’d just be like, Next song. I mean, I get it, but Ugh. I wanted to clap and do the fanchants so badly. It hurt so much to repress my inner fangirl. 

Okay, this part killed me: When BAP got off stage and were going back into the dressing room, Jong Up stopped walking and just sort of waddled in place…

And then he said in English with that little smile on his face to no one in particular “Thank you.” And like no one even acknowledged him, but I wanted to be like BABY COME HERE DO U UNDERSTAND ITS ME NOONA I WROTE YOU ALL THOSE LOVELETTERS TO YOU IN THE FANCAFE ILL TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!

Instead I just smiled and was like, “Aw isn’t that kid cute.”

People. Do you understand how repressed I was that night. DO U.

And on a personal note:

I‘ve followed BAP since way before their debut, and it was surreal to see them takeover Times Square, to see all these fans screaming for them.

I got really choked up during the recording. The other fans were screaming and calling out their names, waving, but all I could do was just look at them lovingly and think about Tadah, and Yong guk failing on Lululala, and Himchan failing as a host on MTV the Show, and all those star story interviews — Yong Guk’s underground days, Himchan being a normal university student before he gave it all up to be a singer, Daehyun’s family struggling because of the IMF, Jong Up just being fifteen years old and living away from his family to be a background dancer and trainee for the teeny tiny family that was TS, Baby Jello’s family leaving their lives in the countryside so that their baby boy could achieve his dreams in the big city. Never Give Up. Power. All those eras.

Once these boys were normal. Once it was all a dream. And there I was, in the MTVK studio, witnessing a part of that dream realized. Such an important moment in their career.

How much they sacrificed and how hard they worked to debut. And how hard they’re still working now to share their music. I was moved, grateful, and so beyond proud of them. I’ve always said this in my blog, but watching these boys inspire me to live harder, to be better. And that night, watching them (exhausted, but still killing it), I was inspired one more time. I was reminded of why I fell in love with them and supported them.

People honestly. I cried a lot thinking about all of this (edit: actually, I didn’t cry that much. Just a few tears). 

I wasn’t even sure I could share this because I thought words wouldn’t do justice to what the experience meant, but I just thought I ought to share it anyway.

So this is it. My imperfect fan account.

BAP looks tired and it breaks my heart, but I trust that there are people out there looking out for them. I trust that beyond the mania and hype, BAP’s music is making a real impact on their fans for the better. It’s moving hearts and making minds think. 

I trust that all their hard work is for good reason. 

And on that note, good night tumblr.

niggas-in-korea:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 bless this fan. bless her

no i do not have pictures. i just stood there and soaked it all in. i just smiled at them stupidly like a lovesick puppy/proud mama. 

words are failing me right now. my feels are ocean deep.

fuckyeahsecrettime:

YOOHOO MV

absofsasck;lklutely adorable. please excuse my french.

jung hana. noo words. just love. so proud of this girl. 

some bedtime thoughts:

dear bap, i hope you guys aren’t dying of exhaustion keeping up with ur career. i hope the love all these people have for you is an inspiration not a burden.

dear secret, i dont know when ur coming to NYC but im kinda bummed you’re not coming too this may.

dear universe, life is short, and being able to love and cheer on precious people is one of the biggest gifts ever. 

thank you secret and bap for letting me love yall. hope you kids are happy and healthy in korea. 

goodnight tumblr. what a day. what a week. what a life!

*silence* :X 

i promise ill dance and cheer on extra hard on behalf of all babies who cant make it

jalmotaesseo:

nobody understands how excited I am for the B.A.P show in NYC. I haven’t been this excited over a group since I got into DBSK like six years ago.  And they’re coming right after my birthday, which means I’ll be able to afford to go.  AND the tickets are affordable.  I’m seriously like rolling around in my bed screaming and I’m really glad nobody else is home right now because they would be super disturbed by the way my night is going

eventually my feels will die down and i will stop reblogging all bap in nyc related posts but that moment is not now

strangeappeal:

i need to get a ticket to see bang yong guk live. i just. i have to. 

& jongup

fuck. okay.

wtf wtf wtf wtf wtffffffffffffffff

sexy-wufan-is-sexy:

WOOOOOTT 

i am reblogging all the posts in the bap tag related to BAP IN NYC BECAUSE FEEEELS. i really really apologize. i admit this is obnoxious. 

best-absolute-perfectx:

Who’s going to the NYC show ;oo

Let me fucking love you ok.

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME AAAAAAHHHHH

madonnawarriors:

bap-s-babys:

……… Holy shit this will make me broke since i’m from Germany but… I mean it’s fucking B.A.P….. and i don’t know WHEN they will come (will they ever come) to germany.. >.<
There’s nothing wrong with it right..?



I always wanted to visit New…

yes we should totally meet especially because we’re strangers XD if u buy those tickets, let me know. send me a tumblr message and we’ll coordinate a meetup wooohooo germannyyyyy represeeeent

skinny4seoul:

I CAN’T

UGHOIDFOSUGHVBDLJSFHSEFDOIVKSHAVIAOSPLFV

askdljfs;ldkajfl;kasjdf;sa

beautyofsalvation:

The wait is finally over and B.A.P will finally perform on the 17th in NYC! :D

Even though I live close to the city, I’m not sure if I’m able to go. Even if I can’t go, hopefuly there’s a fan signing at least. Since there’s only four concerts in a ten day span, there has to be a fan signing…I hope Dx

gurl i hope you can make it. 

bap-s-babys:

……… Holy shit this will make me broke since i’m from Germany but… I mean it’s fucking B.A.P….. and i don’t know WHEN they will come (will they ever come) to germany.. >.<
There’s nothing wrong with it right..?



I always wanted to visit New York….. And now i can get both New York AND B.A.P….!!! 

Oh my gosh… wallet.. I’m soooo sorry but it’s just once… Okay…?

Whos going to ”Live on Earth NYC”?

DO IT!!!!! IM TOTALLY GOING SEE YOU THERE!!!

WOOHOOOOOO! (can you tell im excited :X i gotta calm dowwwn)